Dear One Year Old,

Please go to sleep. I know, I know. You take a great nap everyday and are consistently in bed every night by 8:30. It’s the whole “though the night” part of this request that I’m asking for some help with.

Your mom and dad love snuggling with you between them but we’re of the mindset that this event should occur somewhere around 5:30AM rather than the midnight appointment that you are so vigilant in keeping with us. We’ve never believed in the “cry it out method”…not that we think it’s cruel or life traumatizing. We’ve just always thought…”if we just need to rock her or feed her or hold her, why wouldn’t we?” I understand now though, that this pious, righteous thinking is easy peasy when a person gets at least 5 consecutive hours of sleep a night.

Here’s the thing…when you end up in our bed at midnight, we’ve been asleep for about an hour. If you just cuddled your sweet self between us and zonked out til morning I don’t think I’d be entering this request…but you don’t. You twist and turn and fling your limbs and deliberately accidentally slap us and even head butt us from time to time. It’s like a WWF match and you get to be Stone Cold Steve Austin in baby form. This usually persists until you father screams out in pain something along the lines of…

“DEAR GOD WHAT DOES SHE HAVE ON THE END OF HER FINGERS?! TALONS?!”

At this point I usually roll you to my other side so I am now in the middle, keeping your father from further abuse. The only problem with this is that even with the barricade of pillows I have built on the other side of you my subconscious will not let me rest without numerous and unrelenting dreams that you are rolling off the side of the bed. This causes nightmare after nightmare in which I wake up grasping in the air to “catch” you as you lay slumbering safely beside me.

Do you see why I look a bit tired? Do you know that with this fatigue I will not do health sustaining activities like working out? Your oldest sister watched me wrestling buttoning my pants the other morning and said matter of factly Dr. Phil style…”that’s not working for you.” Are you prepared to forfeit your college savings to buy my new wardrobe? Do you understand that if I don’t muster the energy to wax my eyebrows soon you’re going to be calling Bert from Sesame Street “mama?” Let’s not even get into the fact that the other day at Bed, Bath and Beyond I caught myself staring dreamily at those little fake beds that are used to display bedding. I was wondering what a nap would feel like on them. Little girl, those beds are like 3 FEET LONG and I’m over 6 FEET LONG! Do you know how tired someone has to be to consider folding their body accordion style to take a nap?!

So please baby, please…sleep.

Love,

Your bruised, battered, tired and aging by the day (and night) parents.

P.S. We love you. 🙂