Uber rides and unexpected God moments in the midst of my introversion.

I recently grabbed an Uber from my hotel back to the airport after a work trip. It was a 45-minute drive, and I entered the vehicle with my headphones at the ready. I cannot bring myself to click the setting in the Uber app that allows you to say you’d “rather not talk” because…well…I’m deeply midwestern, and that just seems rude. The next best option is to wear the big over-ear Bose-type headphones, which are so obvious to an observer that it would indicate I cannot hear them, so conversation should not ensue.

Does that sound just awful? Probably. I just struggle with small talk. Add on fatigue or if my social battery is already on empty, as was the case on this day, and small talk equates to fingernails on a chalkboard for me. Super dramatic, I know.

As I slid into the backseat of this ride I was immediately struck by something. Smell. Animal smell. A combination of 3 or 4 or maybe even 34 dogs that have spent a TON of time in this car mingling with the fact that I think they also brought their feline friend who forgot to pee before she left the house, and decided this car resembled her litter box just enough to allow her to feel free to use it as one.

Remember I said this was a 45 minute ride. Not 5 minutes or even 15 but three quarters of an hour that I would be trapped in this rolling pet hotel. I almost bailed but again…midwestern. I was unable to say what I wanted which was, “sorry, I have a deep fear of the odors in this car becoming trapped in my hair and clothes and of the person next to me on my upcoming flight writing his/her own blog about the person who sat next to them on the plane that obviously has no hygiene…and many pets.”

Since I was frozen in shock, I reached for the seat belt, waved away the wisps of dog hair that wafted past my face as I clicked it in place, and went to put on my headphones.

And then it started.

The talking.

It was so quick that I had no opportunity to wrap those headphones over my head in the most obvious, “I’m not your convo girl” way.

I was in this. It was happening.

She started in on the weather, the unusual cold they were receiving, and seamlessly slid into tales of her shoulder injury that ended a softball career that I didn’t ask about or need to know about. I desperately peered out the window and noticed us driving past the ” Welcome to the Hotel ” sign. We were 5 subjects in and JUST LEAVING THE HOTEL SPACE.

My throat was tightening…maybe due to dander, maybe due to social panic. Either way, it felt like the kind of sheer terror I see when people on TV shows get trapped in an elevator, and someone has to poop. Sweat rolling down my neck.

And then she said it.

Something that was a political minefield that we shouldn’t address, even if we did agree, but on this topic, we did NOT agree. So then I was thinking, “wonderful. It’s smelly, she’s talkative, AND I get to listen to a whole lotta garbage for 45 minutes.” I’m also angry because Jason leaves 4 hours later from this same hotel, and I can already predict that he will get into one of those rides with the leather air freshener, a bottle of water waiting, and any phone charger needed, at his fingertips. He’s probably also brave enough to have clicked the “would prefer not to talk” button. This entire thing has become his fault. There is no pertinence to this part of the story; I just think he should know.

She pivots from controversy and tells me about her days as a postal service worker and how she quit because someone asked her to write on someone’s mail and don’t they know that that is AN ACTUAL FELONY?! But because of that quiting she started driving for Uber. I am half listening but then she said this…

“Which has been a huge blessing because it’s allowed me to collect almost 400 children.”

I’m sorry, what?

I’m back to listening 100%.

Collecting children…this sounds very Silence of the Lambs, and for the first time, my irritation switches to a slight fear that I’m about to be handed some lotion so I can become her next skin suit.

“Ummmm…what do you mean, COLLECT 400 children?”

“Well, I’ve given about 400 rides to people who I keep praying for long after they leave my car. I don’t have any kids of my own, so I pray for these people like they are my kids.”

Smells no longer noted, fear no longer present, introversion aside.

“Tell me more.” I ask her with genuine interest.

She immediately tells me about the girl who was upset about her sick mom, the business man worried about his job and her best friend, who refuses to let her drive her for free but who needs rides because she has a seizure disorder. She went on and on about all of these people who had riden in her car and that every single time she heard what they needed prayer for, she would flip her sun shade out of the way, tell them she was “talking to the boss” and begin out loud praying for them, their concerns, their worries, their afflictions.

I asked if she ever got to hear if her prayers worked– did any of them follow up with her later?

She looked in the rear view mirror as if I was the dumbest passenger she had ever driven.

“I don’t need them to tell me. I know He heard me and I know He walked with them. I kept praying long after they left my car and so far, I’ve done that 398 times. Do you want me to pray for you?”

“Absolutely, I do.”

She said, “Done.” The sun shade flipped up, she knocked on the window, and prayed for me in a way that was so unexpected that it brought tears to my eyes. I asked if she would like me to pray for her as well. She said she never turns down that request.

We reached the airport in what seemed like 10 minutes. I thanked her again, exited the car and couldn’t believe that I almost missed that opportunity. First from judgment and second from a pre-conceived notion after a single comment about a topic that never came up again. Remember when I said I was going to have to listen to “45 minutes of garbage…” yeahhh, God enters stage left to remind me to stop thinking I know everything everyone thinks based on one sentence or one post.

This alone could have been enough for this blog post but as God does, He wanted to show off a little on this day.


I didn’t have a car waiting at the arrival airport when I landed, so I opened the Uber app again, and a car pulled up to drive me home. Despite the positive turn of my last ride, I will admit that I was pleased when I got into the backseat of the cleanest, best-smelling car I’ve ever ridden in, and a bottle of water was waiting for me. The driver silently smiled at me and very clearly didn’t want to chat with me about his softball injuries, his job, or anything for that matter. I leaned back, closed my eyes, and thought…” This 45-minute drive is going to be very different from the last one,” and even though it had turned out to be a really good one, I could admit that I took a deep breath, sank into the cozy seats, and relaxed into the ride.

About 10 minutes in I started noticing the radio. I noticed it was spanish speaking music. I’ve been on a Duolingo quest for over 1100 days — learning Spanish. At this point, I can talk about your green skirt and my desire to paint my bedroom blue in very skilled ways. 🙂 Anytime I hear someone speaking spanish in person or on TV, I challenge myself to try to pick up on as many words as I can. I have a long way to go, as I recently tried out my skills at the Taqueria and they laughed hysterically at me…I have no idea what I said that was so funny, but it was a humbling realization that I need a few thousand more days on the app before I try that again.

Anyway, I suddenly noticed that the song was one of my favorite Christian songs… “What A Beautiful Name” by Hillsong.

What a beautiful name it is
What a beautiful name it is
The name of Jesus Christ my King
What a beautiful name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful name it is
The name of Jesus.

BUT…it was in spanish so it sounded like this…

Cuán hermoso su nombre es
Cuán hermoso su nombre es
El nombre de Jesús mi Rey
Cuán hermoso su nombre es
Nada se iguala a Él
Cuán hermoso su nombre es
No hay otro nombre 

Don’t be impressed, I had to google that.

And for the second time that day, I was crying in a dang Uber.

And, despite everything in me that usually would tell me to enjoy the quiet of this ride, I said…

“That song is beautiful in Spanish.”

And he looked in the rear view mirror and smiled and said… “Are you a Christian?” and I said a very quick “Yes, and I assume you are as well?”

And in a way that was so simple and lovely that it made me laugh out loud, he said…”Oh, yes, I love Jesus.” What an awesome way to answer that question.

After I told him that I was working to learn his language he spent the next 30 minutes quizzing me in Spanish–he would ask a question entirely in Spanish and if I couldn’t understand, he would replace a few words in English to help me, and then if I tried to answer in English, he would say, “No, say it in Spanish so I can help you learn.” (Ahem, men at Taqueria, take note.)

I learned about his kids and family and how he moved here from Cuba and brought his entire family and how he was the only one who became a Christian at the time and then one by one they all became Christians and how much faith means to all of them now. He told me about his church and why he drives for Uber, and that his favorite restaurant is Chipotle, and we both agree that their guacamole and the way they salt their chips is unmatched.

So here’s the thing…Two Uber rides that I planned for quiet rest ended up being incredibly Holy moments. They both made me feel so connected to absolute strangers. And it made me think about how much is disconnected right now… or at least there are a lot of people who want us to think everything is broken and disconnected. Or, even more diabolical, there are those who probably need us to remain so divided to fuel the narratives they want to push. I’ve heard it said so many times that 80% of us probably agree on most things, but the 20% are so obnoxiously loud on both sides that we can’t realize it.

But in those two rides, I was reminded that the opening line of the Lord’s Prayer starts with the phrase OUR Father.

OURS.

Not mine, not theirs, but OURS. He belongs to all of us and vice versa.

And we can be disconnected and in opposition of every single controversial topic out there, but we are united in the most important one. We are children, every one of us, of an Almighty God.

And I think sometimes I forget that. I forget that the people who say things online that make me roll my eyes or make me annoyed are His as much as I am. That He created them and me in the most divine love, a love none of us deserve and a love that takes me to my knees if I really let myself think about the enormity of it. And maybe if I remember that, I’ll roll my eyes a little less, or get annoyed a little more slowly–or probably even better, just stay off of social media a lot more.

I’m not promising I’ll become a super social Uber passenger from now on…I’m wired with an introverted bend, I can’t alter that need for quiet completely. That being said, I’ll try hard to remember the things I learned that day, in a smelly car with someone so connected to her Lord that it was enviable, and in a pristine car with someone who took the time to share his faith as well as his language with me. It was a Holy Day indeed.

On a lighter note, when I got out of his car at my house, my second driver made me give him directions to the nearest Chipotle in Spanish—— I’ve worried about where he ended up ever since. But then again, I appreciate the trust. The guys at the Taqueria would never. 🙂

The Crumbs We Leave Behind

One thing you don’t know about my people is that the women in my family tend to go through periods of hyperfixation– Avery can get into a lunch fixation that will last for weeks. Her college roommates once said…”It’s time for the broccoli for lunch fixation to be over.” Something about the smell of the concoction had brought them to the end of their patience for her obsession.

My mom holds the title for my earliest fixation memory. For an entire year, EVERY.SINGLE.THING that had a “scent” in our home was the smell of Gardenia. To this very day, when I smell Gardenia, I am about 10 years old in my house at 1214 16th street and my mom is talking about how she will NEVER get tired of Gardenia.

Until she became VERY tired of Gardenia and the fixation stopped or was transformed to a new one. I tell you about these to preface the story I refer to as the Biscotti Incident of 2017.

You see, my mom got into a BIG biscotti fixation. You know Biscotti, right? The traditional Italian cookies known for their dry, hard, and crunchy texture. She was obsessed and would eat them while she drank her coffee (a lifelong hyperfixation, btw) in the morning.

Before I continue here…we need a slight pivot. You know my husband is NOT the hyperfixation type…he is the consistent, constant, this is what I’ve always done so this is what I will always do, type. Hyperfixations are messy to him…and LORD KNOWS THIS MAN HATES MESSES.

So…back to the Biscotti. One time, my mom stayed at our house with our children while we were out of town for a few days. Both my mom and my mother-in-law were dream people to have in our homes because we almost always came home to a house cleaner than we left it. The toaster oven would be scrubbed to a shine, or the silverware drawer would be cleaned of whatever it is that dirties a silverware drawer. It was always fun to come home and see what magic they had prepared for us or what leftovers were in the refrigerator that would keep us from having to make dinner for the next few nights.

On this particular visit though, we got home late and sort of fell into bed right away. As I was drifting off to sleep, (because these were younger days when I actually still slept easily), I heard a frustrated SIGHHHHHH from Jason’s side of the bed. Although I REALLY wanted to feign sleep, I reluctantly asked him… “What’s wrong?”

His answer came in the form of a question: “Did your mom sleep in our bed?”

Me: “I’m sure she did…why?”

Him: “Did she wash the sheets?” (you know by now this really isn’t a question but a set up…)

Me: “ummm…well…she usually does…why?”

Him: “Pretty sure she didn’t.”

Me: silent…waiting…

Him: “You know how I know?”

Me: “nope…but I bet you’re gonna tell me…”

Him: leaping out of bed with that same frustrated sigh…

“BECAUSE I’M ROLLING AROUND IN WHAT IS CERTAINLY BISCOTTI CRUMBS!”

The sheets were already starting to be stripped from the bed before I could stand up and honestly after I started laughing hysterically because, of course it was Biscotti crumbs and I don’t know why that hit me as the funniest thing ever at that late hour but I’m sure fatigue played a part. Retelling the story to my embarrassed mom the next day brought just as much laughter though, so I think there was also just something humorous to me about watching a grown man twitch out of bed over Italian cookie crumbs left behind by his mother-in-law.

I started thinking of this story recently, because for the first time in a few years, we have everyone home, under one roof. Both of my older daughters are home, Laney in an internship, Avery, graduated from college with a new career, and a wedding on the way this fall, and Miss Edy, always the go-with-the-flow youngest child, just waiting to see who is at the dinner table each night.

To be honest, when I realized the housing situation for the summer, I was elated at the idea of having a full home one more time before Avery gets married. Every mom knows you never sleep better than when all your chicks are under your roof and I was going to have that for three entire months!

When everyone first came home, I started noticing the telltale signs of a full house that any parent can see. Grocery bills went through the roof, laundry machines were battled for, and the “who gets home first and gets to park in the driveway vs the street” competition returned in full force.

In addition, the messes returned.

You already know the ones…dishes in the sink instead of the PERFECTLY EMPTY dishwasher next to it. The shoes everywhere, the piles on the stairs that everyone walks right past on their way without picking up. Straw wrappers, empty Starbucks/Dutch Bros/Swig drink cups, and half-drunk water bottles.

Around this same time, I spent time at both my mom’s apartment and my in-laws’ house, and I noticed something. Before that, though, I must mention that both of their homes are extremely tidy, and my mother-in-law’s house doesn’t have a floor that couldn’t be eaten off of. Jason once told me, “Dust doesn’t dare show its face in my mom’s house.” That being said, I started to notice there were tiny areas of “mess” in their spaces too. The difference though, was that I found myself smiling when I saw them. The desk at my in-laws with shirts hung over the chair and papers covering the surface, her chairside Bible and sewing kit, my mom’s water bottle that she never leaves without, her coffee cups, her books as she is always reading, even her collection of elephants that cover most surfaces of her space. All of these “things” are what makes these people I love so much, seem like them and “them” seems like home.

So, before the frustration of my own home’s messiness overran my previously mentioned elation over my full abode, I started trying to see some of these piles as just “temporary crumbs left behind.” Because very, very soon, the everything wedding-related piles will be gone, the stairs will be clean, the shoes will be far fewer in number, and the driveway will be free of cars for another year or so until Edy starts to drive. There will be tidyness in places where there was previously chaos but their absence will signify that my house is quiet again. Or…quieter than I probably like. Which certainly means it’s emptier than I like.

I recently found myself actually following through on this new approach as I realized I was smiling inside my own home as I looked at the dining room table one morning when my future son-in-law, Ben, was visiting us. See that picture at the top of this blog? That’s Ben’s habit of doing a daily crossword puzzle. Something about the nature of a typical 75-year-old’s hobby being trapped in the body of a 23-year-old man makes me smile so hard. Seeing that book, next to his coffee cup and water, made me so thankful that sometimes, the “crumbs” are additive. It made me realize that our expanding family brings in brand new “crumbs” that remake who your family is with them in it. I wonder what Avery will leave behind at her wonderful new in-laws’ house that will be uniquely her. I hope it’s something as charming as a crossword puzzle book.

I have about 5 weeks until one kid leaves for college and about two months until one leaves for her own messes in her own home with her own family. And someday she will sigh as she picks up shoes and puts dishes in the dishwasher and she’ll call me with frustration that no one takes out the trash but her and I hope she begs me to come over and stay with my grandbabies so she can get out of the house for awhile. I will clean her toaster oven and her silverware drawer and I will fill her refrigerator with food so she doesn’t have to cook.

And I will revel in the crumbs.

Except Biscotti. She’s safe from Biscotti in the bed. I’m pretty sure that’s a one-time only laugh.

Ben, you’re welcome.