Well helllooooo there…

My goal of one post per month was shattered as I flew right past February with nary a word typed here. What have we been up to? Let’s see, going back to January…what comes to mind? Oh yes we came down with the BUBONIC PLAGUE…otherwise known as the flu, but as I lay moaning on the couch don’t think I didn’t google Bubonic Plague and if it weren’t for the “bleeding from the eye sockets” symptom that was listed I would have surely contacted the CDC. That lovely little bug whipped through our house and managed to stay for 3 weeks before it left for good. Every single member of our house got it except Avery. The reason this factoid is so interesting is that Avery is the ONLY one of us who didn’t get the Flu shot. The day we went to get them she suddenly had a “umm..I need to think about it, research it, get my mind around it, avoid it at all costs” meltdown and promised to return to do it after these things happened. When we returned they were out of flu shots. Obviously her fears were warranted as her immunity was just fine. As I’m prone to Conspiracy Theories you can imagine that by the time the month was over I was certain the government was trying to kill us and had probably injected us with tracking devices rather than a vaccine. I’m still suspicious.

Next, we moved to Antarctica. Oh wait! No we didn’t, but we did have THREE, count them THREE, MAJOR snowstorms this year. The most recent hitting AFTER the first day of spring. I left Nebraska for a reason. It’s warmer here and rarely snows more than a few inches at a time. Someone call Al Gore…global warming took a backseat to the 2013 Snopocalypse.

Between the first two snowstorms we were bombarded with an alarm sounding like the neighborhood tornado siren had been installed in our basement. Jason quickly (because he is my brilliant and capable Handy Manny) determined that it was the alarm that sounds when your septic grinder gets clogged. In layman’s terms, the grinder that disintegrates “all human waste” and pumps it to the sewer system was broken which leaves your home at risk of said waste backing up into your residence. When I blankly stared at Jason when he was trying to describe this to me he put it even simpler…”We’re about to fill our basement with a whole lotta shit.” Ohhhh….I got it now. Loud and Clear. Frantic calls to area plumbers left us with quite a few…”We’ll fit you in next week…in about 10 days…whenever we can get there…I’m not sure how to fix that…” and I started demanding that all humans in our house stop having bowel movements. This, of course, causes EVERYONE to immediately grab their tushes and exclaim that they REALLY HAVE TO GO NOW! I was planning a girls trip to Texas the next weekend and Jason suddenly realized this meant that he could be trapped, in a house with 3 little women and no.running.water. Panic crept over his face. I have said before that I believe my husband can fix anything but even he had to admit that plumbing was out of his range. The other man in my life that I count on to fix anything my husband can’t fix is my father in law. Unfortunately, he was still basking in the sun of his 3 month snow bird getaway, many many miles away from my malfunctioning plumbing. Jason, not to be deterred, got online, read the owners manual of the system, figured out the part he needed and called all over the country until he found it. Then after many, many phone calls found a company who could put it in and bribed asked with a promised incentive, one of their employees who worked 2 hours away if he would come on a Saturday morning and fix it for us. And he DID! Every time we flushed a toilet for the next week we all giggled with glee at this little pleasure that we so often take for granted.

In conclusion, to sum up my missing month you could say that it was filled with Flu and Feces. Here’s to a healthy and warm spring. 🙂

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