A trip to Cozy and back.

We recently spent some time in Copenhagen, Denmark.  Our purpose was to move my oldest daughter, Avery, who begins her multi-city study abroad this month.  We were also thrilled to “pick up” our middle daughter,  Delaney, who finished her Italian study abroad this month.  Our family feels a bit scattered right now, so having time with all five of us in one place, albeit far from home, felt like too good of an opportunity to pass up. We won’t have that again until she returns home at Christmas. 

Copenhagen would never have made my list of “places to go.” I’m glad I was somewhat forced into visiting, as I can’t imagine not having seen it now that I have. I keep thinking about it now that I’m home, and I’ve wanted to get my thoughts written down before I forget them.  

Here are some amazing things about Copenhagen and Denmark in general. 

1. It’s beautiful—both in aesthetic beauty and in a cool climate. It’s June, and the weather barely hit the 70-degree mark. There were a few rain showers, but it was mostly sunny and comfortable, and I don’t believe it gets much hotter than 80 degrees EVER. Nor does it snow and ice very much, but it does cool off in the winter months to the 30s. 

2. It’s SUNNY! This time of the year, it’s sunny from about 4:30 AM until almost 10 pm, and it’s not super “dark” until almost 11 pm.  VERY STRANGE.  I’m told it’s the exact opposite during the winter months.  Can you even imagine that much darkness?  From someone who LOVES the dark winter months here, even I feel slightly unsettled with that much of one or the other. 

3. The salaries there are high, but so are the taxes. Of note and different from America, there is an inherent TRUST in the government to manage their taxes well, and we never encountered anyone who felt resentful of the amount they pay in taxes. They are provided subsidized childcare, free education through the university/graduate level, including being paid a living wage to go to college, full health care, retirement salaries, and excellent unemployment benefits even though, surprisingly, the unemployment rate is very low.

4. The entire city has a healthy feel. Biking and walking are common, and an incredible public transport system fills in for those who can’t do as much physically. We used the buses and trains all week and never took an Uber or taxi once. (We actually couldn’t use Uber because it was recently banned there. There is an Uber-ish option that utilizes electric cars, contributing to the country’s highly valued environmentally sustainable goals.) 

5. The country is filled with beautiful castles and churches, even though only 2% of the country actively attends a weekly church service. Interestingly, the government provides tax dollars to help maintain and fund the churches. 

6. There is a fantastic concept practiced throughout Denmark known as Hygge. Hard to pronounce, hygge (“hooga”) is difficult to explain, too. In brief, hyyge is about taking time away from the daily rush to be together with people you care about—or even by yourself—to relax and enjoy life’s quieter pleasures.  Someone said if they had to pick one American word to describe it, it would be COZY.   How fantastic is that? Getting to cozy is basically my daily goal.

This leads me to a discussion about the mindset of the people of Copenhagen.  

They are calm. 

Strangely calm. 

Unnervingly calm.

NOT ONE TIME while walking in this city or traveling in this country did I hear a car horn blaring in frustration. I never heard anyone yell at the thousands of bikers/walkers/tourists. In fact, I never heard anyone yelling about anything.  There is calmness and coolness among the people here. You won’t believe me, but I swear even their babies and toddlers are calm.  We saw so many people with young children who would fuss a tiny bit, and then after their parents would lean down and calmly speak to them, they would stop. 

I’m sorry, what? 

I had three babies, all of whom basically required me to be homebound with them for the first three months of their lives because they screamed so much.  They didn’t get that much quieter the next few years of their lives either…they CERTAINLY weren’t quieting down to a few words whispered to them in Danish or any language and hear me when I say that I tried ALL THE LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE PROFANE PARTS OF THEM because DANG my kids could scream. 

Also, buckle up for this part.  When their babies sleep, they put them outside. They believe the best place for their babies to sleep is in the fresh air. So you assume the moms are outside too, right? 

No. They.are.not. 

We walked past several restaurants and stores with strollers outside…WITH BABIES INSIDE OF THEM SLEEPING.  The parents were inside, enjoying their lunch. 

I asked my tour guide if anyone ever steals a baby.  She said that all Americans ask that question. She also said it is outside of their comprehension that someone would STEAL a baby or to be honest, even ask about it, and NO, it doesn’t happen. 

I don’t know about you, but I think in America, there are some babies getting stolen if we implement this. One of my friends made me laugh as she said… “I wouldn’t even leave an empty stroller outside because for SURE it’s getting stolen.” It’s a fair point. 

So…are you ready to move to Copenhagen yet?  It sounds almost unreal, right?  To a certain degree, I agree with you.  I spent the first few days unwinding into this calmer, less stressed way of life.  Free everything from health care to college INCLUDING advanced degrees? Yes, please, and thank you very much. An appreciation of less is more, and everyone has enough, and not many have an obnoxious excess of much, but no one really minds it because we’re all just busy being COZY?

 Ummm…sign.me.up. 

But…I noticed something one day.  My daughter and her friend, who is also starting the same program, were walking behind us.  They found something extremely funny, and both of them BUSTED up laughing.  Loudly. 

Now, you should know…I’m a stickler for my kids not “acting a fool” in public. In fact, if you ask my kids to name a phrase they don’t care if they ever hear again, one of them would surely mockingly say… “Act like you’ve been somewhere” as it was said many times through my pursed lips at my kids if they ever acted obnoxiously in public. I’m sure my and Jason’s definition of “acting a fool” is sometimes more strict than it should be, but… we are who we are.  

But laughing?  Oh, I love laughing, and we are a loud laughing crew–I’m probably the loudest.  So, when these girls were behind me, cackling with laughter, I smiled, listening to it. But then I noticed that it seemed to startle some local people around us…to the point that it greatly caught their attention, and they looked our way. Not angrily at all, but you could tell it certainly wasn’t the norm for their surroundings.  To quote one of my middle daughter’s Italian professors… “You can hear the Americans long before you see them.”  I didn’t really understand that fully until that moment. 

And here’s the thing…as much as calm, cool and collected lifestyle appeals to me…As much as a quest for coziness as a National Way of Life sounds dreamy…As much as a culture that lets you have a dang pastry and a coffee in a cafe while your baby sleeps outdoors sounds like a sanity break for new moms…I think I’m a little too LOUD laughing and a little too wired-tight of an American to grab hold here full time.

Also…I don’t want to pay up to 65% in taxes but maybe that’s because I don’t trust our government to do what’s best with it. I also don’t want to suppress the internal fire that manifests in over-the-top American ambition and success, and I don’t want my daughters to have to do a mandatory year of military service like was just passed in Denmark—remember, equal in everything means everything. 

Plus, don’t forget that the entire population of the whole country of Denmark is about the same as the population of greater Miami, Fl. I know for certain there are many things we could adopt if we weren’t caring for roughly 55 TIMES the number of people that live in Denmark.  I’m sure our public transport would/could be better if we weren’t transporting across more land than a country that fits within the size of the state of Missouri with a lot of space left over. Our size in land mass and population prevents a lot of things and sometimes I think we forget that when we compare ourselves to other countries.

But could we do better at chilling out a little? FOR SURE. We were met at the Philadelphia airport with a blast of American summer heat and voices screaming at us to “GET IN THE RIGHT LINE FOR GOD’S SAKE.”

Sigh…sometimes we take that American boisterousness a little too far. Maybe its because we’re such a young country…maybe we just don’t know how to “act like we’ve been somewhere” yet… Maybe it will come with age.

Or maybe, just like I said before, we are who we are.

But for a visit, Copenhagen was such a wonderful stop.  It is filled with beauty, art, great food, lovely humans and for the next two months, a part of my heart with my oldest child. 

Here she is celebrating the Midsummer. I will tell you she reports there is one time the calm natured-ness of the people there does change…with any big soccer match. She says the city comes alive with passion for their team…it’s good to know it can happen. I’m so excited for her to spend the next couple of months in a city so welcoming to visitors and I know she’ll soak up every opportunity to live the Hygge life…but I sure hope she keeps that loud American Avery laugh.